the struggles of a heart..

It's kind of funny how we all want different love stories but tend to repeat the same old cliche's because some of the best love stories are already taken. We see things happen and sometimes we know right away that "that's the kind of love story I want to live in!" My biggest flaw is my hunger and thirst..this unsettling feeling inside me.. wanting to live a story so epic, it'll be remembered! But i already have a story, and it's a nifty neat one. It's not flying to Paris for a cup of tea or a midnight swim in a clear water lake.. but it's a pretty one. It's filled with the smallest things..but it all adds up to this beautiful story untold, packed with hiding behind bushes and talking from under the covers to midnight stargazing and awkward walks in the rain. It's a comedy really..a romantic comedy about a lion who loved a lamb. Weirdly i was the lion and he was the lamb. He was someone who's demons played nice with mine and angels went...

Ever feel like you're loosing it? Like you're slowly but surely going insane.. when the slightest of remarks ignite the most majestic fires, when the shortest silence brings back a gushing flood of memories, when the conversations in your mind turn into the biggest battles.., when you're so unsure of where you stand that you give way to a few different personalities that contrast....you loose yourself. It's like pieces of you slowly disappearing... just breaking off of you, turning into sand and being blown away. All the while you're fully conscious of it but completely helpless.. with no voice to scream with and no way to ask for help..you watch yourself let go. The only witness of the death of your soul? you. In it's place you leave a scared but deadly creature..a monster.  The one thing you own from the very beginning is yourself, the person you are. The person you want to be, the things you like, the things that give you light and most importantly, things ...

The thing is you never loved my flaws.. You never loved my ugly, you never loved my monster...cuz you never saw them. Your eyes only saw beauty and beauty alone. My scars to your eyes were beautiful. You saw me through eyes that were made to embrace my each and every flaw  full with love.  I broke you, i broke every piece of you. To be honest i don't know what im afraid of or what's pulling me down. I just constantly am looking for something to fill in these voids. These empty spaces in between are the heaviest parts of me.. It's like dragging the chains and shackles that hold me everywhere i go. She stood there bare. With nothing but her hands to hide her, hugging herself to keep from falling apart. Circled by all those eyes that stared..her flaws, her scars her skin every inch of her exposed..she could feel herself being analyzed by merciless eyes that stared. She took 3 steps back into a whirlpool of everything that ever left a scar on her. Memories and flashbacks hi...

This rage I'm feeling is not a fire neither a flame, but some kind of explosion that is the expiration of my tame. My only medicine.. my only drug, I've now changed into some kind of thug. My chains and cuffs are on the floor, the monster within is now at my door. A broken cage, a bleeding heart.. the bells are ringing and the fire starts! I'm on the floor with swollen eyes, my tears streaming..my mask demised.. I'm trying to pound and hit the walls the one I'm fighting is no one at all. It's not a fight with another or a fight from within..I'm fighting a real life person, I'm fighting the girl I've been. My blood keeps boiling as my memories stream pass...what have i done? i ask and ask.. I keep ruining every silver and gold.. i turn them into dust and coal. Let me bleed..let me burn...but rid me of this pain I've earned. Take a step back in time and erase the scars iv'e given and earned.. How much of a load will you put on my back. im only...

 The wind is howling and the rain pours down hard, her clothes are soaking but she's not looking for a shed. Instead she let's the sound of raindrops crashing against the ground drown her. She used to glow, every so much. There used to be a skip to her walk, a glow in her smile, a warmth in her hug..she used to be ALIVE. Magnifying and living every second to it's fullest, she had faith. She ran away from home..hoping to find the magic she always believed existed..she looked for the rainbow and instead got struck by lightning. It struck her right in the core of her heart. She was still breathing..but she somehow felt a sense of emptiness, like something was missing. Her heart scarred and burnt..numb to her pain.. she lost it. her glow. it was gone..faith had been beaten out of her a million times until she no longer had the strength to fight for it. She lost the one thing she loved..    standing in the rain, on the exact spot that the lightning hit her years ago..she wept...

  Sometimes i just wanna loose myself, drown in your laughter and forget everything around me. Just close my eyes and breathe you into me. I could live a million lives just looking at that smile. "who's gonna save the world tonight?" :) I'm a unicorns whisper away from letting go and every time i open my eyes and get sucked back into reality i realize how letting go fails not only me but everyone around me! Wonder if im loosing my mind! There's so many souls out there with faiths so gory my eyes can't even stand to look. What if you're stuck in the middle? what if you're unsure on whether to choose yourself or the ones you love? I'm starting to feel that all these selfless acts are starting to ruin me and not otherwise. What if i choose to destroy myself?         Her hazel brown eyes gazed around the room.. Wooden floors and wooden walls. It was just a small empty room made of wood. She looked around admiring how the sun light crept through the ...

Have you ever wanted something so bad? Wanting a goal with every fiber of your very being..of your very existence!    She entered the room and felt the strong change of aura..it sorta felt lighter? like she entered a dimension where time stopped for a little while. Her worries, her pain, her scares...all sieved, everything filtered as she entered the room. She entered the door as a cleaner soul. She left her shadows at the front door. She looked around, it wasn't big..but it was beautiful. It screamed authenticity. Her sister came out from the kitchen and spread her arms out calling her in for a warm hug. She looked down and admired the dark wood panel floor and the lighter wooden dining table. It was a plain hall but somehow it screamed home and love. Across the hall the cloud curtains called her in, she walked passed the curtains out into the balcony. She took a deep breath, and exhaled heavily. It was breathtaking. Like being blessed by cosmic laws from beyond. She liked ...