deaf.

This rage I'm feeling is not a fire neither a flame, but some kind of explosion that is the expiration of my tame. My only medicine.. my only drug, I've now changed into some kind of thug. My chains and cuffs are on the floor, the monster within is now at my door. A broken cage, a bleeding heart.. the bells are ringing and the fire starts! I'm on the floor with swollen eyes, my tears streaming..my mask demised.. I'm trying to pound and hit the walls the one I'm fighting is no one at all. It's not a fight with another or a fight from within..I'm fighting a real life person, I'm fighting the girl I've been.
My blood keeps boiling as my memories stream pass...what have i done? i ask and ask.. I keep ruining every silver and gold.. i turn them into dust and coal. Let me bleed..let me burn...but rid me of this pain I've earned. Take a step back in time and erase the scars iv'e given and earned.. How much of a load will you put on my back. im only a girl who lost her track.. im not perfect im not poised. im scared, rough and fragile by choice..but i love without fear and live without care..I fight for my love and i am as i am. I don't follow i LEAD. I don't borrow i lend. Im not a cowardice friend.. I know im not perfect..just like a unicorn i once rose..but someone cut my wings off and then my alicorn and scarred my ribs while ripping my heart. Am i not allowed to bleed? Am i not allowed to shed...? the tears i lose are the ones you reap. The words i speak are somehow alien to everyone but me. It's like speaking to everyone and finding out you're deaf.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letting Go.

Letting go meant gripping tighter than ever to hope. Letting go meant not jumping off a cliff into icy waters although being chased by hyenas. Letting go meant not taming other wolves, instead behaving like a lion. It meant holding on to me for a change. It meant learning to walk again without a hand in mine and a pair of legs following two steps behind. It meant learning to love the silence after only knowing constant sound. Letting go meant forgetting every framed moment and putting our book down. It meant drinking hot tea even when you’re not around. It meant even without your safety nets I’d learn to break down. It meant crossing the busy roads in a big town, yes, without you around. Letting go meant, it was my turn to walk without your guiding sound.
Read more

Her Reign

When he started to realise I was broken but brave, he said the look in my eyes could send a grown man to his grave. The once young and naive daughter bloomed into the most manic disaster. But in that fire, that dark pit, that pain, she was like iron forming her name, under intense heat she’d shape herself, she wasn’t brittle she wasn’t a dame. She was a queen and this war was her game, she’d take her sword and spell her name, between grit teeth you’d yell the same. Her strength was not how she played the bloody game, it was her heart, her love and how it  remained sane. The kind this mad world can only find in some lost land, the kind you’d put in a box and label and frame. She had that love in a world full of pain.
Read more

Rubber ducky

Image
     So I’ll take my bright yellow rubber ducky umbrella and stand in the pouring rain alone, just because I feel like it. I’ll tie my hair in a messy bun, not the pretty ones girls have but a really unflattering bun and pull my jeans up and try to climb that tree even if I’m scared and sure that I probably won’t get it the first time. I’ll let you into my room as I go wash my face clean and not worry that you can see my bare face and know how I look 7 in the morning because I’m okay with it. Some days I might talk a little too much and not hold back from the inappropriate jokes and the irrelevant details and not really regret it either, mainly because I don’t think my ties are fragile and I trust that they’ll love me and my flaws. I tend to sit like a guy a lot, I try not to but I just do. I cry easily, so very easily. I’m pretty lost most of the time, I think it’s the time in life where everyone is looking for themselves and I’m kind of stuck between wanting to f
Read more