Inner monsters

Ever feel like you're loosing it? Like you're slowly but surely going insane.. when the slightest of remarks ignite the most majestic fires, when the shortest silence brings back a gushing flood of memories, when the conversations in your mind turn into the biggest battles.., when you're so unsure of where you stand that you give way to a few different personalities that contrast....you loose yourself. It's like pieces of you slowly disappearing... just breaking off of you, turning into sand and being blown away. All the while you're fully conscious of it but completely helpless.. with no voice to scream with and no way to ask for help..you watch yourself let go. The only witness of the death of your soul? you. In it's place you leave a scared but deadly creature..a monster.

 The one thing you own from the very beginning is yourself, the person you are. The person you want to be, the things you like, the things that give you light and most importantly, things that make you you. Your identity. When you loose that.. the world just goes dark. Everything around you becomes a blur and you are no longer your own pilot. Imagine a fully functional person with no medical disadvantages..who can no longer pilot their emotions, their words..their actions. It's like watching someone else walk in your shoes and destroy everyone around you that you ever loved but all you can do is scream behind glass walls..unheard and unnoticed.

 She was a brave girl, very brave. But life had too much faith in her.. for you see as strong as she may have seemed.. she had her limits. Blow after blow life laid out his obstacles and she'd run head on towards them, falling, hitting, crashing but constantly running. Each obstacle would not only leave a scar but peel off a layer of her strength..her patience.. her drive but nothing ever touched her hope and faith. Her scars, some so deep they never really healed and some just there serving as a bitter reminder..nevertheless big or small they never faded. For her problem was just like Life, she had too much faith in humanity, loved too deeply, trusted severely and believed naively. The perfect prey. Never really fitting in and not really standing out she just danced around in the crowd like leaves in the wind. But as the years passed and the layers thinned, she slowly drowned in silence..not wanting to cave in but not able to shout out..the last layer torn. Insanity. Hoping and praying for a better day when her mind wouldn't work overtime and scars would be pacified along with her raging demons. Pain made everything harder..food didn't enter for she could no longer swallow with ease..her chest heavy with voids and head numb with pain. The contradicting mad world tore her, her fights to no avail. She lived with the most loudest piercing silence and she was never really the same. Lost.

  

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