the struggles of a heart..

The thing is you never loved my flaws.. You never loved my ugly, you never loved my monster...cuz you never saw them. Your eyes only saw beauty and beauty alone. My scars to your eyes were beautiful. You saw me through eyes that were made to embrace my each and every flaw  full with love.  I broke you, i broke every piece of you. To be honest i don't know what im afraid of or what's pulling me down. I just constantly am looking for something to fill in these voids. These empty spaces in between are the heaviest parts of me.. It's like dragging the chains and shackles that hold me everywhere i go. She stood there bare. With nothing but her hands to hide her, hugging herself to keep from falling apart. Circled by all those eyes that stared..her flaws, her scars her skin every inch of her exposed..she could feel herself being analyzed by merciless eyes that stared. She took 3 steps back into a whirlpool of everything that ever left a scar on her. Memories and flashbacks hi...

This rage I'm feeling is not a fire neither a flame, but some kind of explosion that is the expiration of my tame. My only medicine.. my only drug, I've now changed into some kind of thug. My chains and cuffs are on the floor, the monster within is now at my door. A broken cage, a bleeding heart.. the bells are ringing and the fire starts! I'm on the floor with swollen eyes, my tears streaming..my mask demised.. I'm trying to pound and hit the walls the one I'm fighting is no one at all. It's not a fight with another or a fight from within..I'm fighting a real life person, I'm fighting the girl I've been. My blood keeps boiling as my memories stream pass...what have i done? i ask and ask.. I keep ruining every silver and gold.. i turn them into dust and coal. Let me bleed..let me burn...but rid me of this pain I've earned. Take a step back in time and erase the scars iv'e given and earned.. How much of a load will you put on my back. im only...

 The wind is howling and the rain pours down hard, her clothes are soaking but she's not looking for a shed. Instead she let's the sound of raindrops crashing against the ground drown her. She used to glow, every so much. There used to be a skip to her walk, a glow in her smile, a warmth in her hug..she used to be ALIVE. Magnifying and living every second to it's fullest, she had faith. She ran away from home..hoping to find the magic she always believed existed..she looked for the rainbow and instead got struck by lightning. It struck her right in the core of her heart. She was still breathing..but she somehow felt a sense of emptiness, like something was missing. Her heart scarred and burnt..numb to her pain.. she lost it. her glow. it was gone..faith had been beaten out of her a million times until she no longer had the strength to fight for it. She lost the one thing she loved..    standing in the rain, on the exact spot that the lightning hit her years ago..she wept...