the struggles of a heart..

     So I’ll take my bright yellow rubber ducky umbrella and stand in the pouring rain alone, just because I feel like it. I’ll tie my hair in a messy bun, not the pretty ones girls have but a really unflattering bun and pull my jeans up and try to climb that tree even if I’m scared and sure that I probably won’t get it the first time. I’ll let you into my room as I go wash my face clean and not worry that you can see my bare face and know how I look 7 in the morning because I’m okay with it. Some days I might talk a little too much and not hold back from the inappropriate jokes and the irrelevant details and not really regret it either, mainly because I don’t think my ties are fragile and I trust that they’ll love me and my flaws. I tend to sit like a guy a lot, I try not to but I just do. I cry easily, so very easily. I’m pretty lost most of the time, I think it’s the time in life where everyone is looking for themselves and I’m kind of stuck between wanting to f

"WHAT ARE YOU RUNNING FROM?" "JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE RUNNING FROM AND I WILL HELP YOU BUT YOU ARE LOSING YOURSELF AND THIS IS NOT YOU!" "What are you running from...?" "me." Don't you see..? You've answered your questions in your screams and pain.. You can turn the world upside down but you can't help me hide...you can't help me run from me. This hide-and-seek game is with me. "This isn't you." It isn't. It really isn't. It is me running away from everything I was and everything that made me who I was. Running so hard, you feel like your skin would shed off. Running so hard you feel the breath get knocked out of you like running straight into a wall. Trying to walk into a world so different within hours, trying to love differently, breathe differently and feel differently. Reckless. It's a suicide mission, one version of you dies and another lives. breathe. Calm the raging fire my girl. Han

Something about the past that doesn't feel so real, Something about that trance that gives the memory an appeal, Remember your thoughts at the top of that Ferris wheel? the magic, the rush, the secrets..lips sealed. That smile that never had to hide a struggle is now finding it hard to go out and mingle. The need not to hide a burning heart behind a warm embrace, the strength mustered to walk straight when falling seemed necessary in a messy blind race. When did the roaring heart adopt a frail smile on her face? When did they pull your dreams down from out of space? There's a drought now inside where it used to rain, the monsoon is here yet the fire isn't tamed. Its not the kind of heat that leaves you dry completely, instead it's kind of hot, damp and downright uneasy. Dear love, you're a hurricane. You're a force to be reckoned with my darling. Twirling about and standing so tall, the world is watching in a daze young love. You're a whirling mess